Finite Organs of the Infinite Mind

I Would Like a Father, Please

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:02:28 -0700

Andrei Osipovich Karelin (1837-1906)

Tomorrow is Father's Day. From where I sit, this is not anything to celebrate.

My logical self tells me that I have known wonderful men, surrogate fathers who treated me well and showed me a father's love. My emotional self is hurt and angry … and hurt. This time of year – approaching Father's Day – I seem to lose my perspective.

I have one father who turned his back on me, virtually as soon as he knew I was to be. Some would call him a sperm donor – I don't know that I would be that kind. My birth mother claims that he was the only man who ever loved her – yet he left both of us for his 'first' family. For the wife and daughter that existed before he met the woman who would give birth to me. [Continue Reading ...]

I have another father who stood with a woman, desperate to have children, and told an adoption agency, “Yes, we'll make her our daughter.” And then – less than 3 years later - chose to end his life, leaving the woman to pick up the pieces. His woman was never … stable … again.

I grew up with the second woman, the one who desperately wanted children and was forever damaged by her husband's suicide. She was, from what I've learned, no more unstable than the one who gave birth to me; she just chose to not quit. (I never appreciated – or understood – that before.)

But this isn't about the mothers – it's about the fathers.

Father #1: He was 25; she was 39. He had a family – wife and daughter; she had no one. I look like him – if the agency is to be believed – 6 feet tall, blond and blue eyed. He, from what I understand, had a problem committing to a career, a family … anything.

Father #2: He wasn't healthy; a hole in his heart (or so I was told) limited his physical activity. It also kept him from committing to a job, apparently – although drinking and gambling must not have been a problem, because he spent a great amount of time (and his wife's money) pursuing those activities. Although she didn't know it. One day, when he had gone off to a job that he no longer held, he came back home and handed his wife an empty pill bottle. She didn't drive, his family didn't arrive, and he died. I have my half of his suicide note.

This is Father's Day – it isn't a joyous occasion for everyone. Some of us miss our fathers. Some of us hate our fathers. And some of us wish, with all of our hearts, that we had a father.

Until next time.

A Victory for Grey Wolves

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 19:49:36 -0700

Reposted from Random Musings

Earthjustice Photo

Finally some good news!

Defenders of Wildlife Photo

A federal judge ruled, yesterday, that wolves in the Northern Rockies were illegally stripped of their protections under the Endangered Species Act. Thanks to Defenders of Wildlife and Earthjustice, working for and with other conservation groups, wolf hunting in Idaho and Montana is now illegal again.

Sadly, this is not the end of the battle. Anti-wolf sentiment is high in the area, due to conflicts between ranchers and wolves. Media misinformation feeds the problem.

Defenders and Earthjustice continue their battles to ensure the safety of the grey wolves until their recovery is complete and they can be delisted for the right reasons. But, for now, we can enjoy the victory.

Jail and Rehab and Justice, Oh My

Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:10:53 -0700

I try not to comment on the foolishness that is celebrity news. But this business with Lindsay Lohan, probation violations, and crying over a jail sentence got my dander up. In the real world, when you do the crime - you do the time. . . .

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Anyone who ever stood before a judge will tell you that there is nothing vague about a sentence. Each defendant knows exactly what it takes to stay out of jail, if they are lucky enough to not go to jail (go directly to jail ...) straight from court. It may not be easy, it may not be convenient - but undoubtedly, it will be better than a cell. And, undoubtedly, you will be expected to comply with the judge's orders.

There is no I tried my best, no substantially compliant, no conflicting work commitments when one is talking about the terms of probation. If the judge tells you to go to meetings, you go to meetings - each and every one. In fact, if you have the sense God gave dirt, you go to extra meetings. Prove yourself.

Whatever the judge requires is what happens. Your freedom depends on toeing the line - at all times. Well, except in the addled mind of a spoiled-brat celebrity.

Now, after repeatedly proving herself to be non-compliant and unreliable, Ms. Lohan is shocked that she is going to jail. A mere 90 days that will, if history is any indication, be whittled down to about 3 weeks. Three weeks spent outside the main jail population. Lonely, but safe.

I seriously doubt that the 'average-Jane' would fair as well.

So, please! stop quoting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights! Breaking the law, violating the terms of your probation and, subsequently, being sent to jail and rehab is nothing like what has happened to millions of people in South Africa, Darfur, Rwanda, and Srebrenica, to name just a few.

Now I Need an Idea

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:02:19 -0700

After two days of formatting and updating, I think I've finally gotten everything added to this little blog that I can think of adding. It wasn't enough to make it look pretty, it had to do the things that it did when it was hosted on Blogger. No small feat, let me tell you. . . .

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Granted, making it pretty was a good start. But offering comments and trackbacks was something I wasn't ready to lose. With Haloscan shutting down and moving everyone to paid services, I had to get rather creative.

Luckily, Disqus came to my rescue.

Then, there were the expandable posts. I really loved those, but just couldn't imagine how to do it myself. (Got lazy with Blogger doing all of the coding!)

Well, pfft on Blogger! I figured it out and - as far as I'm concerned - they look mahvelous! Let me know what you think.

WooHoo and YeeHaw!

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:19:38 -0700

I must admit - I was pretty certain that this day was just never going to come. But - lo and behold, and sakes alive - We Have Comments

And they actually work!!

While I was in here rearranging and updating, I decided to tweak the colors and format a bit as well. Let me know what you think. Even if you don't like it.

Me? I really like it - but it is awfully similar to my other blog. May have to break down and change color schemes on this one. We'll see.

How about 'Disqus' for Comments?

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:10:51 -0700

Well, we're playing again. Couldn't get the other system to work - definitely need PHP education - but I think this one will do the trick.

We shall see!

Another Test - Ta Da!

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:34:12 -0700

Just about done with the formatting. Now just need to see what 2 posts-per-day look like.

Having a terrible time with adding comments. Perhaps I should have learned PHP before I started, eh?

Well, can't get the comments to work. Waiting on (hopefully) some assistance. Meanwhile, at least it's . . .

Purple!

Let's Run A Test

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:02:32 -0700

Trying to update, and move, this blog off Blogger.

Karma is Karma, neh?

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 02:21:00 -0700

It's interesting how one's karma always comes back, just not necessarily in the way one expects. . . .

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My first marriage ended badly - because of my inability to ask for what I needed. Instead, I acted out and hurt a good man. For years after, I buried my emotions and hurt everyone who truly cared about me.

Now, my daughter is about to get married. And, thanks to my foolish behavior, she isn't certain that she wants me there.

Karma, neh?

Dance

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 01:42:00 -0700

"Geneva! I'm bored!" Long, dark lashes fluttered over deep brown eyes, as a single tear escaped. "I don't want to play this game anymore!"

"Now, Merry," Geneva began, her voice soft and gentle, despite her frustration. "You gave your word. Whatever card you drew. Remember? Even though Selina and I tried to warn you?" . . .

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Putting aside the folder that held the next day's court cases, Geneva sighed and bent toward the earnest little face and took a calming breath. "Fredo and Stefan aren't complaining, now are they, little one?"

An energetic snort from over Geneva's shoulder warned her that Fredo, busily weaving too many flowers into her hair, was about to offer an unwelcome opinion of life on this side of the veil. Luckily, when Geneva turned and pointed a messily polished nail at him, Merry's brother had the good sense to swallow whatever he'd been about to say and turn his gaze toward the ceiling.

"But Mordecai said it would be fun, Neva!" Another tear snuck out to roll down Merry's silky cheek. "He promised! And it's not!" she insisted, fisting her hands on her hips and stomping her tiny foot. "It's not fun to be human - at all!"

With that pronouncement, Merry threw herself into Geneva's arms, sobbing as though her heart had broken.

"Mother!" Geneva almost hissed the word.

The sound was less than a whisper, but frustration added an energy that gave the thought substance and sent it through Geneva's door out into the front office. One of the law clerks would later swear that - at that exact moment - windows rattled.

Taking on a life of its own, as well as a sharp turn at the door to the break-room, Geneva's call to her mother nearly knocked down the head of security. Felicity shook her head and smiled. Someone was in deep trouble and, happily, all she had to do - this time - was sit back and watch. Giving in to the urge, she purred.

At the end of the hall, Geneva's message reached its target and Judge Rowena Morgan Powers spilled her tea.

Pets for Christmas

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:20:00 -0700

I received an email from the Humane Society that prompted me to write this post: Pets for Christmas.

Please be careful, if you're planning to add a furry friend to your family.

EcologyFund.com

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 11:02:00 -0700

Are you aware of how much forest the world has lost? It's actually frightening. Just look at these maps from EcologyFund.com. . . .

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Forest Existence Maps

The following maps show the degradation of forests over time:

Original Forest Cover

Current Forest Cover

Remaining Frontier Forest Cover

Earthjustice

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:12:00 -0700

I just wanted to share this lovely email with you and remind you that - You Can Help! Please visit Earthjustice.org today and sign up.

Speak out for the planet and all living things! . . .

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treasures. With your help, we're winning." src="https://img.getactivehub.com/act2/custom_images/earthjusticeaction/2007_Thank_You_3.jpg" border="0" height="450" width="525">

Photo by Galen Rowell/Mountain Light Photography
Â© 2007 Earthjustice | 426 17th St., 6th Floor | Oakland, CA | 94612 | 510-550-6700

Modified Template

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 13:44:00 -0700

I have been playing around with the template for this blog today. The changes are small, but it's a start toward getting a new look. . . .

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Or at least they would have been, had they worked. I was trying to add a page element that required upgrading my blog. Long story short - no matter what I did, or where I did it - it sooo didn't work.

What I did change, didn't show up. But - and this was loads of fun - what I didn't change didn't show up, either! I think that Blogger Layouts and I are not going to be friends today. Maybe, someday, I'll start a different blog and use Layouts from the start.

Or maybe I'll just pull all of my hair out and run screaming into the streets. Right now I'm leaning toward the screaming part. lol

Maryland Attacks Domestic Violence

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

This is an important battle, wherever you live. Consider sending this information to your local authorities, I have.
Random Musings of a Curious Mind

Do You Really Need That Much Water?

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 13:09:00 -0700

Living in the desert, one quickly learns that water is a gift from the Earth, not a guaranteed resource. Conservation becomes a natural part of every daily task. But, happily, what Arizonans do isn't limited to any specific environment. . . .

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One of the best conservation tools we've found is for the shower. Mark likes short showers, so he's not much of an issue. I, on the other hand, love my showers - long-lasting and hot enough to melt the polish off my toenails. Our solution is a hand-held shower attachment that let's me turn off the water while I'm shampooing and scrubbing. Now, I don't have to rush, but I'm not wasting gallons of water, either.
Because our drinking water varies in quality between undrinkable and patently toxic, we have a filter on our kitchen faucet. Every time we change the filter, approximately once a month, the instructions require that we run our water for 5 minutes to eliminate excess charcoal.

Rather than letting that water run down the drain - five minutes is a long time - we collect the water and save it to use on plants. (The charcoal keeps the soil refreshed.) Kept in a large pitcher, at room temperature, we don't have to run the water every time a plant needs a drink. And speaking of drinks, we keep a pitcher of filtered water in the fridge - guaranteed cold water, without running the tap until the water gets cold. (Summer in Arizona doesn't really lend itself to cold tap water. Trust me.)
Dishes are another big water waster, since we have to do them by hand and seem to be at the cool end of the supply in our complex. To save as much water as I can, I do the dishes once a day, rather than after each meal. But, it still requires a lot of water.

I've been reading about tankless hot water heaters, which can be installed at the kitchen sink. Imagine being able to have immediate hot water on demand for rinsing dishes. We wouldn't have to keep the water running to keep it warm, saving heaven only knows how many gallons each time we do this already onerous chore.
We don't have a yard, so we're not using water outdoors. Our complex, however, insists on having several patches of grass, which regularly require more moisture than we usually see here in a year. In their favor, at least they run the sprinkler system in the middle of the night, rather than the middle of the day when the heat evaporates the water before it gets anywhere near the lawn.

Many schools and businesses around here don't use sprinkler systems. They flood their grounds, which not only wastes water through evaporation, it creates a breeding ground for mosquitoes, not usually found in large numbers in Southern Arizona. If we decide to buy a home in Arizona, Mark and I have already determined that a desert landscape is our perfect choice - no lawn and only plants that naturally survive here, without excessive watering.

No matter where you live, water conservation is much easier than you might think.

You Want What?

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 02:37:00 -0700

She refused to turn and look at him, despite the anger and imperious tone. As his wife, not his child, she felt no need to bend her knee to him. . . .

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"You will shut that thing off and go to bed - NOW!" he bellowed.

The only reason he wanted her in bed, in his condition - actually ever - was because he found that he couldn't fall asleep otherwise. Once he fell asleep, she could do anything she wished, including jumping up and down on the bed; but she (in his mind) had to be in bed in order for him to fall asleep.

Her condition, similar to his, required that she respond to his demand by sticking her tongue out and issuing a resounding raspberry in his direction. Though she knew it would only exacerbate the situation, she just had to do it. And she was right - it made the situation worse.

It was going to be a long night!

Felon Tells Court to Change OS

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 23:13:16 -0700

Elite Torrents BitTorrent server was shut down by the FBI after Scott McCausland, an administrator, pled guilty to two copyright-related charges for uploading Star Wars Episode III to the Internet. . . .

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Sentenced to 5 months in jail and 5 months home confinement, McCausland was ordered - by the court - to install and run Windows if he wants to use a computer during his confinement.

Apparently, the court requires the installation of tracking software to enable them to monitor what sites McCausland visits on the Internet. But, the tracker only works on a Windows platform. McCausland prefers to use Linux (through which he managed to illegally upload SW-EpIII) and doesn't want to have to download and use a Windows OS.

As I understand it, McCausland's lawyers are actually planning to petition the court to force them to change the OS of their monitoring software - for one felon! Insane!

Is it not the court that decides the circumstances of a criminal's punishment - not the criminal? If I were the judge, I believe that I would advise Mr. McCausland to comply or do without a computer. Period!

Present

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 23:51:00 -0700

There is a belief that one should live for today - that's why it's called the present. . . .

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Are you present in the present?
Do you live for today?
What used to make you happy?
Remember how to play?

Can you remember how to skip?
And hopscotch was so fun
When did you learn to back flip?
What joy it was to run!

Why don't we love our lives today?
What happened to the fun?

Random Musings of a Curious Mind: Click to Give

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 22:36:00 -0700

Random Musings of a Curious Mind: Click to Give

Disaster Zone

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 15:50:00 -0700

The devastation was complete.

Every object in the room had been displaced by the energy that had blown through just a short time before. Cassie folded her legs and collapsed to the floor with a groan. There were chairs upside down and on top of each other. . . .

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Dishes actually stuck to the wall, and there was food, Cassie shook her head in amazement, food on the ceiling. Every book from the shelves was on the floor, somewhere, and the shelves were actually gone. Oh, no - there they were, in pieces on the other side of the room.

Surveying the wreckage, her first thought was to light a match. It couldn't take that long to rebuild one room, could it? Although, it was, probably, still structurally sound, right? Maybe if she called everyone she knew and handed out shovels and trash bags, they could reclaim the room in a day or two? Still, the match sounded like the best idea.

Hard on that thought came the thought of her husband. "I wonder," Cassie mused, "if he could talk the guys into driving the ladder truck over, knocking down that far wall and just hosing the mess out the side of the house?" Hmmmm! Now that idea held possibilities.

Lost in her thoughts and trying, desperately, to figure out where to start undoing the disaster, Cassie didn't realize that Adam had walked up behind her; until he started to laugh. A deep, heart-felt belly laugh that echoed through the room. She glared at him over her shoulder, which only made him double over and laugh even harder.

"Redecorating?" he panted between fits of laughter, scrubbing tears off his face. "Not one of your better efforts!"

"There's food on the ceiling!" she managed to squeak out as tears started to fall. "I am never, EVER, letting Jonathan have another birthday party!"

Karma

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 12:55:00 -0700

Karma is a fairly well-known, but often confusing, concept.

I always thought that karma was fate, that certain events were destined to happen and free-will wasn't involved. But the more I read, the more I realize that I have a lot to learn. . . .

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"I am the owner of my karma .
I inherit my karma.
I am born of my karma.
I am related to my karma.
I live supported by my karma.
Whatever karma I create, whether good or evil, that I shall inherit."
The Buddha, Anguttara Nikaya V.57 - Upajjhatthana Sutta

In simple terms, karma is causality - actions have consequences. Whether we see those consequences immediately, or in the next life, they will come back to bite us or reward us. Intention is a mental action which can also affect karma. As each physical or verbal action is preceded by a thought or intent to act, consistently negative thoughts may cause us to act in consistently negative ways, causing consistently negative karma.

"Do not think a small sin will not return in your future lives.
Just as falling drops of water will fill a large container,
The little sins that steadfast accumulate will completely overwhelm you.

Do not think a small virtue will not return in your future lives.
Just as falling drops of water will fill a large container,
The little virtues that steadfast accumulate will completely overwhelm you."

I have learned recently about 'karmic seeds', which I believe is where I developed the misconception that karma supercedes free-will. Karmic seeds are planted in the mind as a result of our thoughts or intentions. Unkind thoughts plant a small seed; unkind speech or action helps the seed grow. As that seed ripens, it creates a negative karmic influence that can carry through to the next life. Hence, my belief that karma cannot be changed.

Positive thoughts, words, and deeds plant and nurture karmic seeds, as well. What I didn't understand is that these positive seeds can actually destroy negative seeds and reverse the effect. Therefore, I do have control over my karmic future, in this life and the next. I can choose to banish negative thoughts and not speak or act on them; I can choose to nurture positive thoughts and treat all creatures with kindness and respect.

Which leads me to wonder - if it is the thought or intent that determines the nature of the karmic seed, what is the effect if one does a good deed for personal gain?