And Just How DID She Fracture That Knee?

I couldn't sleep last night, partially because I slept until after 10:00am yesterday morning and partially because my knee was screaming at me. So, I had plenty of time to think about how - exactly - I managed to twist my leg so that the kneecap ended up on the outside of the leg. The basic laws of physics will tell you "It just cain't happen!" (Didn't know that the laws of physics are very poor grammarians, did you?)

After giving it careful thought, I think I've figured out what stupid thing I did to mangle the snot out of my knee. Because I've done it before (to my right knee), I assumed that the top of my leg went one way and the bottom went the other, painfully wrenching the connective tissue surrounding my poor knee. Unfortunately, the last time I did that, my kneecap (although seriously swollen and angry for several weeks) didn't move 90 degrees out of position. There had to be another answer.

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Here are the known facts:

• I was taking out a load of trash that was waaay too heavy for me to carry, so I dragged it through the parking lot to the dumpster;
• I couldn't lift the trash to throw it in the dumpster, so I started swinging it back and forth hoping to get it high enough to swing over the edge and into the dumpster;
• With one terrific push, I planted my left leg and swung the load of trash with all of my strength;
• Suddenly, I was on my behind on the pavement in front of the dumpster, next to my trash (it could have at least gone in!);
• I automatically grabbed my knee, as that was the location of the screaming pain - you wouldn't believe how much that hurts, by the way;
• I found my kneecap was now located on the outside of my leg and, in a moment of temporary insanity, placed the heel of my hand under the kneecap and shoved it back onto the top of my leg;
• Amazingly, I didn't pass out, although I did break out into a vicious sweat and saw the prettiest little stars!

Now, with the facts in hand, have you come to the same conclusion that I finally have - the one that Mark instantaneously reached, although he didn't bother to clue me in?

The only thing that makes any sense, as I was swinging the trash from right to left (the same direction my kneecap went), is that during that last swing - on the way to the dumpster - I slammed the load of trash, with all of my strength and all of its weight, straight into my knee.

I have, admittedly, done some pretty lame-brained things in my life. For all intents and purposes, I think this one will stay at the top of that list for a very, very long time. In fact, it is my fervent hope that I never, ever manage to 'improve' on it. Know what I mean?






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God Bless!

Jules