First, it's expensive. Although the cost of living hasn't increased - according to our whiz-bang government - food is more and more expensive every time we set foot in the store. $4.00/lb for ground meat that's at least 20% fat is insane in my little corner of the universe.

Second, the quality of the products have gone downhill rapidly in recent years. Try to find a decent bag of potatoes or onions, or green peppers that are bigger than an infant's fist - go ahead! I dare you! And what about that chicken? It may be injected with flavorings and sodium-loaded additives at -- wait for it -- up to 15% of its weight! And it still dares to call itself 'natural!'

Third, once you hunt down enough food to hopefully feed three people for a month and survive the sticker shock long enough to schlub it home - it has to be hauled up the stairs and put away. That 20-pack of chicken pieces, 12-pack of pork chops, and those 5 lb. chubs of ground meat have to be cleaned and rewrapped in convenient, meal-size packages that will fit into the freezer. Produce has to be washed; pantry supplies need to be stowed away.

It's an all day event and the only reward is knowing that - with any luck - you won't have to do it again for 3 or 4 weeks. So, if you see Mark, tell him -- I haven't been here, you don't know where I went, and good luck with that grocery thing. (Me? I'm under the bed and I'm not coming out!)